Striving to Become Unnecessary



I was solo-parenting on a Saturday that was jam-packed with soccer games for all four boys. My husband was at work and I had rallied and was ready for the daunting task of transport, snack-prep, hands-on game cheering, after-game breakdown and car loading… times four!


The day sailed smoothly along. It was like a well oiled machine; fluid movement, happy boys, proud mom at the feeling of success. At the last game of the day as my 7-year-old son and I were weaving through the parking lot headed for his field, and I was once again in this day lugging wagon, water jugs, balls, blankets, and chairs, I found myself a little more weary than the first round hours earlier. My son, a few feet ahead of me turns back and says, “I’ll run ahead, Mom. You can just meet me there. It’s really okay because you’re not that necessary“.

Ouch. Sucker punch to my gut.

He must have seen me wince because he quickly added, “Mom, you know I’ll always love you; I’ll see you there”.

I forced a smile. Once I got my bearings, this is what my take-away from that moment was…it was hard, but truth… What am I really trying to accomplish each day that I walk through with my children? Isn’t the end result of childhood for my part to become unnecessary“?

Wow, that’s hard to grasp. It sounds wrong; like I don’t want that at all! But then I remembered my son’s next statement, “you know I’ll always love you”. And really, I don’t want all my children to grow into adults and be fully dependent on my husband and I. We strive to give them life skills so they will be well-rounded independent men.

love-holding“Unnecessary” is a hard word to accept. For a little kid, a parent is very necessary for survival!! So I thought through it and have decided that it is really true; I am striving to become unnecessary. It’s my parent job, but I love that second part! If I can give them all they need to do life well without me one day, but also infuse a deep love within them,  then I will get to see them turn back to honor love amongst us. And my day will be complete.

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.   -Jeremiah 17:7 NLT



One thought on “Striving to Become Unnecessary”

  1. I read this and thought, “It is true for grandmothers also.” I spent this weekend with my daughter and her family. We celebrated three family birthdays and she entertained a group of friends and neighbors (about 40!). Yes, I helped but it was obvious that she could handle this with ease and grace. I felt like I was looking back on all years of parenting and grand parenting. What a flood of emotions ….

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